I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
