Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
