so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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