There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
