I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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