Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
