i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
