Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
