i think my mom watched the whole time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
