so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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