the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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