On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
