is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i will never coherently bang her
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
