I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
