Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
