so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Floor bacon is actually really good
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
