No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
