They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
