you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
