just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
