addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have already put on my inside pants.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
