So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
