if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just had sex on a roof
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
