and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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