She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
