why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
