Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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