I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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