We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
