my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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