hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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