Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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