Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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