ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
