Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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