I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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