Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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