Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
