I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
