MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
