Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
