he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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