he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
