last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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