My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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