nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
