trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
