I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm just crazy horny about you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
