We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
