It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
