these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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