I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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