uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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