also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
