I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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